


A Profiler's Secret

by DawnSumner



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: F/M, Friendship/Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-27
Updated: 2019-10-13
Packaged: 2020-10-28 23:53:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20787134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DawnSumner/pseuds/DawnSumner
Summary: Chris truggles with demons of her past.She's forced to face these demons with, out of the blue, she recevies a called from David Rossi. When she was twelve, her older sister vanished from their home. She was never found. Rossi was the agent in charge of the case. New evidence has come to light. More girls have disappeared. Whomever took her sister all those years ago is back.During the case, she befriends the youngest of the agents. Dr. Spencer Reid is more like her than either care to admit. Rossi seems to approve. He thinks the friendship will be of benefit to the both of them.But what happens when friendship turns into more?





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> This book should be considered an AU.
> 
> It has the same characters as the show but almost none of the same events. (With some expections....IE, JJ having a son) this takes places before the death of Hotchner's wife. I may not include her death at all. It was horrible.)

The buzzing of an alarm clock, the sound of rain hitting glass. These sounds greeted her like an unwelcomed intruder, disrupting her already fitful night of sleep. Her eyes opened to darkness. The petite red head lay there a moment, staring up at the unfamiliar ceiling of her new apartment. The minutes ticked by and, still, she didn’t move. Only when her alarm clock gave off, yet another warning did the young girl manage to pull herself from beneath the covers.

She perched on the edge of the bed, fingers gripping the new set of linens. She took a deep breath, then another. Her mind was in a fog. All she really wanted to do was climb back beneath the covers and loose herself the darkness again. But, alas, she didn’t get such a luxury. First thing on her list of daily activities was her morning jog. Rain or no rain, it was something she could not miss. It centered her, allowed her to get through the day. She couldn’t function without it.

Her phone chirped. She glanced over. The number wasn’t familiar to her. Frowning, she held it against her ear. “Hello?”

“Christina Holt?” A male’s voice spoke from the other end of the line.

“This is she.”

"This is SSA David Rossi.”

Chris hadn’t heard that name is ages. Not since….

“Agent Rossi. It-it’s been a while.”

“I apologize for calling at such an hour but…well, it’s important. It’s about Emma.”

Just the name brought back memories of things she thought she’d put to rest. A bubble of panic formed in the center of her chest. She couldn’t breathe. Emma was her sister…. emphasis on the word “was.” Thirteen years ago, Chris’s older sister had snuck from their DC home and vanished. She wasn’t the only one. That same year, three other girls had vanished. The BAU had been called in. Chris had been twelve at the time. Rossi had terrified her, at first. The case was never solved. The bodies of the four missing girls were never found. The last she’d heard, Agent Rossi was retired. He’d retired three years after investigating her sister’s disappearance. Every year, on the anniversary, he would call Chris. She rarely answered. She didn't care for the painful reminder that he offered with each call.

She glanced down at her watch. Rossi continued to speak. He said that new evidence had been found, that more girls had disappeared. The MO of her sister’s abduction had been linked with ten other cases nationwide. He wanted to meet, to discuss the case. She sucked in air, falling into silence for a few moments.

Chris wasn’t sure that was something she wanted to do. Agent Rossi was a stark reminder of what she had lost. Chris had her own suspicions on what had happened to her sister, suspicions she would never share with anyone, Rossi included. He spoke her name again, pulling her from her thoughts.

“There’s a café I frequent. It’s called ‘Mary’s Delights’. I can meet you there in two hours.”

He didn’t want to meet there. He wanted her to come to the FBI’s main office in Quantico, Virginia. She hung her head a moment. Her stomach was in knots. Not only did he want to meet there, he also wanted to meet in thirty minutes. Not an hour. Not two hours. Which meant if she agreed, she would miss her morning run.

She agreed. Deep down, Chris knew it was a mistake. She hadn’t seen Agent Rossi in three years, not since the day she’d graduated college. He’d been there. They hadn’t spoken that day but talked at least once a year. It was odd, at first. But over time, she had gotten used to it. Still, she found it odd that he would call from an unknown number. She knew his number by heart.

She would have to take the train to Quantico. It was the quickest means of transportation seeing as how she didn’t own a car. Even if she did, she didn’t drive. She dressed quickly. She settled on a dark pair of slacks paired with a white button up blouse. And, of course, her lilac arm warmers. She never left the house without them. She had half a dozen pair in a variety of colors. They hid her secrets.

Twenty minutes later, she found herself standing just inside the main FBI headquarters. She wasn’t sure which floor to go to. She stood in front of the elevators for what felt an eternity, hesitating. A woman with dark hair stepped around her followed by two others. One wore a brown satchel slung haphazardly over his chest. His hair was disheveled but in a cute way. The other appeared to be of African American descent. He offered her a half smile, one that she did not return. People make her nervous. She didn’t like people.

The African American man held the door for her. Now, she had no choice. She took a step than another. She immediately tucked herself into the furthest corner of the door, watching as the shutting doors sealed her fate.  
“Floor?”

“Oh, um…” She brushed hair from her face. “I-I have a meeting with SSA David Rossi. So, um, whatever floor he happens to work on.”'

It was evident from the FBI badges each of the three carried that they were employed here. Chris simply assumed that at least one of them would know. The boy with disheveled hair seemed to know. He hit a button on the panel and the elevator lurched into action. Chris found herself clinging to the metal railing beside her to the point that her knuckles turned white. A bead of sweat trickled down her spine.

She didn’t care for enclosed spaces. Her entire routine was off now that she’d missed her morning run. Every fiber of her being screamed, aching for the physical activity that had, for the past ten years, been an intricate part of her daily routine. She did her best to ignore the screaming voice that echoed in the back of her mind, warning that she was about to make a huge mistake.

“So, how do you know Agent Rossi?” The brunette inquired, breaking the somewhat awkward silence.

“It’s…complicated.” 

The African American man and the boy exchanged glances. The brunette continued to try and make small talk. After what felt an eternity, the sliding doors opened. All four of them stepped out. They noticed her hesitation.  
“It’s this way.” The brunette motioned for her to follow. Chris did as instructed. As they walked, she couldn’t help but notice that her hair was too dark to be considered an actual brunette. It was closer to black. She couldn’t think of another word to describe her since she didn’t know her name.

Finally, they arrived at their destination. The three entered the doors with little hesitation. They worked here. They worked with Rossi. Flames filled her cheeks. Her grip tightened on her purse strap. It was…crowded. More so than she would have expected. 

“Christina.” His voice sent coils of fear down her spine.

She turned. There he stood…David Rossi. He seemed tired. He offered her a small. Again, it was a smile she didn’t return. She was completely aware of the fact the two of them were being watched. He took a step forward. She retreated. He blinked in confusion for a moment before simply motioning for her to follow.

Eyes followed them as they walked. They stepped passed a desk. Chris couldn’t help it. She stopped. Her fingers pushed a crooked picture frame back into place. When she looked up, Rossi was watching her. Only his eyes weren’t looking at her face. They were looking at her hands. Or, more specifically, the hand that had just corrected something a normal person wouldn’t have thought twice about.  
She cleared her throat. “Shall we?”


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is split between Rossi and Spencer's POV.

(Rossi)

Rossi hadn’t known what to expect when he’d made the call. Perhaps he’d been expecting the bright eyed, eager college student he’d witnessed three years ago or perhaps he had been expecting a mature woman who’d blossomed into adult hood. Neither of those options presented themselves to him. He was faced with a girl teetering on the edge of a cliff, someone struggling with their demons….and she was failing.

“Your obsessive-compulsive disorder…. when did the symptoms first manifest?” He knew it was none of his business. He felt compelled to ask.

She smoothed an invisible wrinkle from her jeans. A faint, almost sad smile, toyed at the corner of her mouth. “I know you mean well, Agent Rossi, but I’d rather not discuss my personal life. You said you had more information in regard to my sister?”

The next thirty minutes was spent pouring over case after case, detailing the events of each, and how Emma’s disappearance played a part. Emma had been one of the first. From what they could tell, the unsub had a liking for young girls. He started the year before Emma and vanished the year after. In those two years, including Emma and the three other girls that had vanished that same year, they had managed to connect the MO to at least ten other cases nationwide.

“The cases were never connected because, after your sister, the unsub crossed state-lines.”

“Law enforcement rarely communicates past state lines.” Chris finished. She must have seen the surprise that ripped across Rossi’s face. “I may have done a little research of my own once upon a time.”

Rossi didn’t miss the flinch of regret that flickered across her face or the way her eyes dropped once more. He did, however, choose to say nothing of it. Instead, he pressed forward.

“I’ve been trying to get in contact with your parents.” And with those words, a wall slammed shut. She didn’t want to talk about her parents, didn’t want to even think about them. And in that moment, Rossi knew. It didn’t take a genius like Reid to figure out that something aside from Emma’s disappearance had happened in that house. Whatever it was, she wasn’t ready to speak of it.

“I haven’t spoken…. I haven’t been in contact with them for some time.” Even her voice sounded different.

“I see.” He shifted in his chair. “Well, is there anything you can tell me about your sister? Any detail that may have been missed during the original investigation?” Rossi figured there were a lot of those. Chris hadn’t uttered a word to him, or any of the other investigators, during their time with her. Her mother had insisted the whole ordeal was simply too much for the young girl. The mother had hindered the investigation, making it impossible to compile the necessary evidence to move forward.

Her lips tilted again in fond remembrance of her sister. “I remember everything. I remember how her hair always smelled of coconut, how she used to sing me to sleep at night.” A single tear made its way down her cheek. “None of which will help you catch the person responsible for my sister’s death.”

Rossi lifted an eyebrow. As far as they knew, Emma was simply missing. Of course, after twelve years, it was unlikely that Emma would be found alive. The odds for finding a missing person alive drop significantly after the first forty-eight hours. It would seem Chris was aware of that as well. “Every detail, no matter how small, is important. It’s what we as profilers refer to as Victimology. It helps us determine why the victim was chosen.” In his mind, Chris knew something that would lead them to the person responsible. She may not even know it. It could be a detail so trivial, so insignificant to her that would break this case wide open. She fell silent again. The tiny wheels in her brain began to click. Finally, she nodded.

“What would you like to know?"

* * *

* * *

**(Spencer)**

Spencer found himself at an impasse. He stared at the board, the haunting images of deceased twelve-year-old girls staring back at him. There were fourteen in total. Of which, only four had been found. Two of the four had been identified. The third had been set upon by wildlife before discovery and the fourth had sustained facial trauma before her death. They had all been discarded at a central location…as if the unsub wanted them to be found. Each bore evidence of being preserved before their discovery. Freezing was the most likely conclusion.

The girls had been found at Rock Creek Park, a national park located in DC. An hour and twenty-five minutes away, the BAU had been invited to investigate the incident. Even if they hadn’t, once Rossi had connected these bodies with the disappearance of at least ten other cases, it was automatically an FBI case. The disappearances crossed state lines. Spencer and Rossi were the only members of the BAU who had offered to stay behind. Spencer didn’t relate well to people.

The door to where the team held their official meetings opened. Spencer turned, expecting to see JJ or Hotch perhaps. Instead, Rossi entered. He wasn’t alone. A girl, the same one that had joined himself, Emily, and Derek earlier that day, stepped in behind. Rossi shut the door.

“Reid, this is Christina Holt. Christian, this is Dr. Reid.” At first, Spencer thought to offer his hand in greeting. He remembered her reaction to physical stimuli from earlier and decided against it. Most suffering from obsessive compulsive disorder didn’t like to be touched.

“Chris is fine.” She replied. Spencer’s eyes drifted to Rossi than back to the girl. She couldn’t have been more than twenty-five. Though a romantic relationship between the seemed implausible, it did seem that Rossi cared for the young woman at his side.

“Does Hotch know about this?”

“I’d like to keep this strictly between us for the moment.” Rossi replied. Spencer did not relish the thought of keeping a secret from Hotch, or the others for that matter. However, he did trust that Rossi must have had a good reason for this meeting to be strictly off the record so to speak.

“Are these the missing girls?” The redhead Chris motioned towards the board. She went to step around Spencer in order to get a better look. Spencer blocked her path.

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea.” Spencer argued. “The images on that board are…graphic.” Chris lifted an eyebrow. “I appreciate your concern, Dr. Reid but I can handle myself just fine.” With a nod of his head, Rossi indicated that these photos were something she needed to see. Despite his better judgement, he stepped aside.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chris discovers something tragic.
> 
> (Rossi/Chris POV)

(**Chris) **

She needed to know. The two unidentified victims had been found with a few personal items. Rossi wanted her to look at these items, see if there was anything she recognized. Dr Reid disagreed with this method, his eyebrows pinched together in a look that spoke more than his words ever could. Chris could bare to watch as Rossi began to lay out the evidence bags on the tables. She had her back turned, doing her best to remember how to breath.

Once all the bags were out, Chris forced herself to turn. Her eyes surveyed the table. A knot formed at the base of her skull. A gold necklace, plain but delicate, caught her eye. She wandered over to it, fingertips caressing the metal through the bag. Her hand lifted to her neck. It was empty. She’d forgotten to wear it. For the first time in thirteen years, Chris had forgotten her most prized possession. Both she and her sister had one. Dangling at the end of the chain was a half heart. Hers held the other half.

“Chris?” Rossi began to question. She couldn’t stop it. She grabbed the waist bucket from beside the table. Bending over, she deposited what remained of her hastily eaten granola bar from earlier that morning. Rossi was at her side. He offered her a handkerchief. She took it. She wiped her mouth once before pointing a quivering finger towards the necklace.

“That’s hers. That’s Emma’s.”

Chris finally, after thirteen years, had the answers she had been so desperately seeking. Well, sort of. She still did not know how her sister died, or why. But she could stop looking for her in the crowds, could stop wondering the "what if's" that had plagued her mind over the years. Her sister was dead. Dead. She was never coming back. A darkness overtook her. She struggle to breath. It strangled her, pulled her further into the abyss that was her depression. Meager as it may have been, Chris had never stopped hoping that, somehow, her sister was the exception to the statistics. That, somehow, she had managed to survive. And then, in a matter of seconds, that hope had been shattered. The hole in her heart, the one she could never quite seem to fill, grew bigger. A single tear rolled down her cheek. Rossi handed her a handkerchief.

“I’ll have someone drive you home.” She wiped the tear away.

“That won’t be necessary. I’m perfectly capable- “

Before she could finish that thought, the door behind them opened. An unfamiliar yet stern face appeared. Their eyes met for a flicker of a second before she dropped her gaze.

“Rossi. Reid. Would someone like to explain why there is a civilian here?”

“Hotch. This is Christina Holt. Her sister was one of the original victims.”

“Miss. Holt. SSA Agent Hotchner.” He did not want her here. “Reid. Please escort Miss. Holt from the room. I need a moment alone with Agent Rossi.”

Reid seemed to know better than to argue. He motioned for Chris to follow. She did. As the pair left the room, the door shut with a slam. Chris flinched. Rossi wasn’t her most favorite person in the world, but she hoped she hadn’t gotten him into too much trouble.

“Rossi can handle himself.” Dr. Reid assured, leading her back into the main office. The rest of the team was there, watching her. Reid brushed loose strands of hair from his face. He didn’t know what to say.

“This is the part where you apologize for my loss.” Chris directed him.

“I am. Sorry, I mean.” He stumbled over his words.

Her lips tilted into a half smile. “I know.” She threw a glance over her shoulder. “Tell Rossi I’m sorry. I wish I could have been of more help.”

He blinked. “You’re not going to stay?”

She shrugged. “What’s the point? I got my answers.”

“We still don’t know who’s behind this.” Reid argued. “It doesn’t matter. My sister is gone.” She turned, heading towards the door. She paused. “Goodbye, Dr. Reid.”

* * *

* * *

**(Rossi) **

“What the hell were you thinking?”

Hotch was less than thrilled with his idea to show a relative of a victim the horrific images that covered the board behind them.

“She was there, Hotch. She was there when her sister disappeared. We are missing something here. Chris is the key.”

“What did she tell you?” Hotch demanded, arms folding over her chest. “Did she tell you anything we didn’t already know?”

Rossi fell silent. None of what Chris had remembered from that night seemed to fit with a stranger abduction. She recalled a fairly normal night, though she had left out exactly what had made that night so “normal” which was telling of itself. She recalled falling to sleep in her sisters’ bed and waking later to her screaming. She’d rushed to the window, watching her sister vanish into the bushes. Why had Emma been outside at such a later hour? Who had lured the twelve-year-old little girl out into the pitch black of night? There had to have been a ruse, something clever enough to draw a child from their bed. That didn’t speak of a stranger abduction. Which meant that whoever took Emma was known to her.

“Chris knows more than she’s saying, Hotch. I’m sure of it.”

“You’re too close to this, David.” Hotch warned.

He wasn’t wrong. This case had haunted him for years. At first, he thought he’d forgotten about it. That had proven not to be the case. He still remembered every detail, no matter how insignificant. His subconscious refused to let him rest until this case was solved.

“Which is exactly how I know I’m right.” Rossi argued back. “I know Chris. She’s scared, Hotch. Something happened in that house, something she is too scared to remember.”

Hotch was the one to fall silent this time, fingers rubbing the bridge of his nose. “Fine. Talk to her again. Try and get her to open up.”

Rossi let out a sigh of relief. It wasn’t exactly the answer he had been wanting but he knew it was the best one he was going to get. The first thing Rossi did when he left Hotch was look for Chris. She was gone. Reid was at his desk.

“Reid. Where’s Chris?” Reid glanced up from the rubix cube dangling between his fingers.

“She left.” “And you let her?”

“I didn’t realize I wasn’t suppose to.”

“Did she say anything to you?” “Just…that she was sorry that she couldn’t be of more help.”

“Is that it?” “She told me goodbye.”

“Derek!” Rossi shouted. “What’s up?” “Call Garcia. Tell her I need the address for one Christina Holt.”

“Rossi. What’s up?” “Just make the call!” Rossi turned to Reid. “Reid. You’re with me.”

“Why? What’s going on?”

"There's no time to explain."

Rossi couldn't explain the sinking feeling that had taken root in the pit of his stomach. Something did not feel right. Why would Chris tell Reid to give him a message? She had to know he would want to speak with her again...unless she wasn't planning on there being a next time.


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rossi and Spencer arrive at Chris's apartment

**(Spencer)**

The drive to her house was spent in awkward silence. Spencer hadn’t seen anything in her demeanor to suggest suicide as a possible outcome but Rossi knew her better. He has adamant that the young girl would attempt something now that she had been presented with her sister’s demise.

About halfway there, they hit mid-morning traffic. Rossi fidgeted behind the wheel, fingers desperately punching in her number every few minutes. She didn’t answer. Ross grew more agitated the longer they sat in the traffic. Spencer had never seen him so visibly upset. He was the calmest of the BAU members.

“Damn it, Chris…” He muttered, knuckles turning white against the steering wheel.

“Maybe she’s in the shower?” Spencer offered hopefully. Rossi didn’t answer.

It took another thirty minutes before they arrived to her apartment building. There was no doorway. Rossi didn’t bother with the elevator. Spencer didn’t know how Rossi knew which floor she lived on, probably from Garcia, but he did his best to keep pace with the elder FBI member. Spencer wasn’t much for physical activity so by the time they made it to the third floor, Spencer was practically gasping for airs.

He paused at the stop of the stairs, bending over for a minute to catch his breath. Rossi kept going. Spencer tried to call out for him but couldn’t. Her door was a few feet down the hall. Spencer could see him banging on her door for a moment before he reared back, heel of his foot slamming against the door.

“Chris!” Spencer heard him shout as he disappeared into the apartment.

Spencer forced himself forward. She wasn’t there. Rossi stood in the middle of her empty apartment, glancing around in utter bewilderment. “She’s not here.” Rossi muttered, running a nervous hand through his dark hair.

“Maybe she went out?”

His eyes searched the tiny apartment, landing on the cellphone. “There’s her phone.” He moved towards her.

The sound of crinkling paper announced the arrival of someone else. They both turned. Wide eyed and furious, Chris stood in what was once her door way with an arm full of groceries.

** (Chris) **

Suicide.

The word left a bitter taste on her lips. Rossi had broken into her apartment with the odd notion that she’d left the BAU with the intent on taking her own life. She couldn’t blame him. She had been given rather disheartening news and then walked out with barely a goodbye. Thinking back, Chris could see how her words may have given them that impression.

It wasn’t as if she hadn’t thought about it. It was the main reason she had chosen to go to the crowded marketplace instead of remaining in her apartment, alone. She didn’t trust herself to be alone right now, afraid of what dark thoughts might cause her to do.

Rossi offered to have her door replaced. That didn’t help her right then and there. He then offered to put her up in a motel room for the night. Her nose crinkled at the thought. She declined her offer. She could afford her own motel room. She couldn’t accept his offer. She didn’t want to feel as if she owed him anything.

She did, however, accept a ride from him and the boyish Dr. Reid to the motel of her choice. It wasn’t anything fancy. She knew Rossi did not approve of her selection. He appraised the small one bed motel room with a lift of his eyebrow. He frowned.

“There are better hotels in the area, Chris.”

“True.” She tossed the small bag she had packed onto the bed. “But I like this one. It’s close to my apartment so, if needed, it’ll be a quick trip back there.”

He nodded though she could tell he still did not approve. “They’ll be there first thing in the morning to fix your door. I’ve stationed an officer-“

Chris rolled her eyes. “Rossi. That wasn’t necessary. I don’t have anything worth stealing there.”

Up to this point, Dr. Reid had been oddly quiet. “Your area of residence actually holds the city’s highest crime rating. Did you know that, in the last year alone, there was over a hundred burglaries reported in your neighborhood alone?” He spoke, head nodding slowly as he spoke.

It was Chris’s turn to lift an eyebrow. “And you know this how?”

He offered a shrug. “I have an eidetic memory.” He took a pause. “It means-“

“I know what it means, Dr. Reid.” Chris replied with the barest hint of a smile. Dr. Reid seemed…nice. He was a bit odd but then again, who wasn’t odd in their own little way? Others often saw Chris as being odd thanks to her obsessive-compulsive disorder. Even now, the tiny voice that often drove her to act irrationally echoed inside her skull. A wall on the picture was off by half a centimeter. The sheets were wrinkled. The pillows weren’t lined up just right.

She did her best to ignore those voices, pushing them down as deeply as she could manage. Dr. Reid noticed it. The tiny half smile that passed across his lips appeared to be one of understanding, as if he knew how she felt.

“I’ll be fine.” Chris wasn’t sure who she was trying to reassure more….Rossi or herself.

** (Rossi) **

He hated leaving her in that tiny, cramped motel room. Rossi didn’t have a choice. The ride back to the BAU was as quiet as the drive to her home. He regretted what he had done. He hadn’t trusted her, had assumed the worst of her simply because he had delivered bad news. Perhaps Hotch was right. Maybe he was too close to this.

How many times in his career had he delivered the death of a loved one to a family member? He had never simply assumed they would go home and commit suicide. Not unless something in their body language had suggested it. He was blinded by his desire to help find her sister’s killer.

“How come you never mentioned her?” Spencer inquired, breaking the silence.

Rossi sighed. “I never thought I’d see her again.” He replied. He kept his eyes focused on the road. “I call her once a year, on the anniversary of her sister’s disappearance. She stopped taking my calls but I insisted, reminding her each year of the worst day in her life.”

“I don’t think that was the worst day of her life, Rossi. Her obsessive-compulsive disorder most likely stems from an abusive childhood.”

As always, Spencer was right. It was an aspect of her childhood that he hadn’t considered. “Reid. If she was abused…what are the chances her sister suffered the same abuse?”

Reid didn’t reply immediately. “Abuse is rarely distributed equally—it’s often just one child who bears the brunt of a physically abusive parent.” He licked his lips. “If her sister was the target of abuse, once she was no longer in the household, it’s most likely that anger would have been directed towards the remaining child.”

“Could it be possible that her own parents were responsible for the death of Emma? And…simply hid the evidence?” Rossi was thinking out loud by this point. He didn’t expect a response.

“The World Health Organization (WHO) has estimated that every year there are forty one thousand homicide deaths of children under the age of fifteen. The exact number attributed to abuse from a family member are unknown.” Reid responded with barely any hesitation.

Rossi rolled his eyes. Of course he would know the answer to that. Rossi knew what his next phone call would be. He needed to see Emma’s medical records.


End file.
